Interblags

Lets see...my internet gets turned on tomorrow, I rode my bike to church today, and I started learning left-handed dvorak yesterday.

Work

It is one of my jobs this summer to code a control program for the particle accelerator at my college; in a language that I am learning as I type. Intimidating, challenging, and somewhat frustrating...just the way I like it (or at least close to it).

Also: my french is getting better!

Slightly immature

I was talking with a friend today and this question came to my mind:

If you are productive doing a task and someone tells you to do the task again, does that make you reproductive the second time you complete the task?

Don't read too much into this, in fact don't read into it at all. Just take it for face value.

Car

Caleb's car got fixed and he is leaving today. Now I am all alone in the apartment... He'll be back mid June, though, so its all good.

Decided to get a routine going so I make sure I get stuff done. It is as follows:

7:00 wake up, drink coffee, and get ready for work (also breakfast)

8:30 ride to work

8:40 do stretches upon arriving to work

9:00 start work

5:00 pm eat dinner clean up

6:00 practice drums

6:30 practice french

7:00 - 10:00 whatever

Work and interwebs

Work starts today and the etherblags (internet) at my apartment still isn't working.

Another year ends

College is out and all my friends are leaving for home, save a select few. I am staying here in an apartment "downtown" (if you can call that teeny-tiny thing downtown) doing construction work for one of my professors and working with Taylor's particle accelerator. Current goals for the summer:

1. Become fluent in French (I bought language software)

2. Get in shape (Lean Body Fat Ratio of 18% or lower)

3. Get a tan (shouldn't be too hard since I am doing construction)

asonetuh

Finals = Done. Initial damage assessment is 2 passed well, one passed o.k., 2 failed. Not so bad.

Differential Equations

I can see "freedom" on the horizon. There is just one more final blocking my way: Differential Equations. I need to get an 80% on this test so pray that I am motivated to study and do well.

Summer...so...close...

Three finals down, two to go.

hmmmmm

So lately (and by lately I mean this whole school year) I have been struggling with self worth. As a man (I say this because I have heard learned men say this is true) I tend to find my worth in things I achieve; just one problem: I never seem to achieve anything. I struggle in almost all my classes for reasons I know not and things I know I can do extremely well still seem hard, and often end in failure.

Now I know I am not stupid. In the past I have won math competitions (given it was in 7th grade, but that still has to count for something), helped the salutatorian in my high-school with calculus, passed tests with high grades after sleeping through class without studying, and wrote my entire senior (high-school) term paper the night before and got a 288 out of 300, missing what I did only because of missing punctuation (dang sleep deprived-ness).

But then college came and I can almost literally feel something holding me back. I now am horrible at math, math I had mastered in high-school, and I can't seem to learn new stuff. The tests are harder, so now I study and do homework, and instead of my grades falling a little due to harder tests they have plummeted.

I am feeling extremely worthless right now. I know it is Satan telling me that I am worthless, but I am having an incredibly hard time countering his arguments. I need to find my worth in Christ, but I no matter how hard I try I still feel worthless. I don't know what is going on, holding me back, or what to do. Blarg.

Finals week is upon us

So, um, finals week is upon us. After I finish finals I grab my already packed belongings and move over to my new home for the summer: an apartment. Should be really interesting because I will be living there by myself for about a month since the guy I am staying with is going home for a little while. Rent is cheap and I don't have to pay utilities. I do however have to go to a laundromat...BAH! Maybe I will hand wash my clothes.

Dead week

So this week is "dead week", the week before finals....I just found out yesterday...I thought it was next week. Poo.

Balloon Update

So I have worked my a** off for this bloody project and it still is not working. I swear I have spent (not exaggerating) at least 48 hours by now on it. My professor wants me to do more on it because I need real data. Ok, I can do that, because they have given me a new circuit. I walk in there today and he makes it sound like I have barely done any work, am slacking, and am making everyone else do my work for me. He even said, "Everyone is working really hard to help you... This should have been done earlier... You haven't shown me any work." @$%^@%^@#%^@#%^

I am about to break. I have tests in my two hardest classes coming up, I have two presentations coming up (one of which is for the balloon thing), and two project due dates coming up. Also, I am currently failing Differential Equations, but I can bring my grade up because I am starting to understand things... if I can only get time to bloody study!

90% of my breaking point stress quota has been reached. If I hit my breaking point I am just going to stop caring, and I can't afford that.

Hectic bunch of weeks

So I seem to be slacking in posting updates. Well then.

We had a balloon launch that failed horribly (for my sensor) because the power supply arced over and flooded the circuit with about 1000 Volts. I then, with my partner, had to make a poster to present to judges, professors, and peers...with our data, or complete lack thereof. This wasn't a complete downer though, because its all part of experimenting when you fail. However, we were given another chance to launch our sensor. I spent 1.5 days de-soldering and re-soldering our circuit, then another .5 days testing and troubleshooting our circuit, all while spending 1.5 straight days working on our poster; meaning if our sensor worked, I would have to completely redo our poster to reflect our new data.

The launch was today at 9:30 am. Our sensor was not ready. Bleah. On the bright side we have our poster all but completely done. On the not so bright side we have very little to no data to show for weeks worth of work. Once again: Bleah.

On a different note, my grandpa came up to visit me for grandparents day (yes, they do have those in college...at least ours). I love my grandpa as he is a great man of God and was always there for me - even when it was completely out of his way. I tend not to be very vocal about my appreciation for people, so when he came to visit I made a point of telling him how much he meant to me. I actually teared up. This is the man who was like a father to me, despite me not having a father close to me. He took care of me, taught me how to grow up and be a man. He showed me how to cut down trees and work in the woods. He wrestled with me and gave me bear hugs. I love my grandpa so very much, and I don't ever think I could express it in mere words.

Ok, a finch just perched on my window sill and stared at me, then flew away. Hmmmmm.

Peace people, and tell the ones you love that you love them - they deserve it.