Friday, September 25, 2009


I am confused. Nothing new, but as usual, its starting to wear on me. To best express how I feel I think it best to recount a recent conversation I had with my good friend, and former roommate, Mike. It went like this:

Me: "I feel like God is closing doors, but not opening anything."
Mike: "He is opening something."
Me: "Yeah, a can of whoop-a**."

It does feel like God is closing all the doors that I was heading towards, then bolting them, padlocking, and arc welding them shut -- just to make sure I don't try and go through them. Maybe its that he hasn't gotten to opening the door yet and I should just be patient. This is probably the case. However, I can't help feeling ill at ease in all of this. It is my junior year and I am pretty sure God doesn't want me to stay in my major, however, he he hasn't really told me where to go either. I also cannot do well in some of my classes. This isn't to say I haven't sunk countless hours into the homework, checking my answers against the book and classmates, or studied for the quizzes I am failing, but for some reason I cannot do well...this sucks.

In the end I know it may not make sense, and I may never know the reason this is all happening, but God is ultimately in matter how hard I may try to wrest control from him. The only thing I ask is that you pray for patience and wisdom for me as I continue on this seemingly perpetual roller coaster of confusion.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

32 facts about me

I am working at the front desk and putting off homework; specifically mathematical statistics. Therefore I am going to listen to a random shuffle of my music and compose a list of facts about me...not that anyone should be really interested, I just don't want to do homework. Why 32 things, though? Well, because its a power of 2 (2^5 to be exact) and powers of 2 are more friendly than multiples of things. They are in no specific order.

1) Rajaonarivony is a Malagasy name that means "Sir John Brown"... a let down I know.

2) I will always test positive for TB, but will never get it because of a vaccine I was given when I was born.

3) I was born in Heidelburg, Germany in a civilian hospital.

4) Right after I was born I had a spring-like object screwed into my skull to test for stress. The scar is still there.

5) I love to ride my bike and would rather ride my bike somewhere than drive a car.

6) In high school I was the snare squad leader with my friend. We were the tasty percussion.

7) If I didn't like the way the snare part for a marching band song sounded, my band director would let me rewrite it.

8) I love not wearing shoes.

9) I don't like wearing pants, but by pants I mean something that covers both your legs completely. Shorts are my fare.

10) I used to be a complete computer geek, but God (by way of some friends at Taylor sometimes) has broken me out of my shell. Now I can hold a conversation without talking about them!

11) God has broken me in more ways than I can count.

12) I am incredibly observant...except when it has to do with me. When that happens I am usually clueless.

13) I am 50% Malagasy on my father's side.

14) I am trying to learn French because half my family (once again on my father's side) speaks it as a first or second language. English is usually their third, farther back, or they don't learn it.

15) I love music from the 50's, 60's, and 70's.

16) Five Iron Frenzy is my favorite band of all time.

17) I believe that every man should know how to cook at least a little.

18) I love baking pies, they are just time-consuming.

19) I have had lemurs climb all over me.

20) I absolutely love to build things with my hands.

21) I always wanted a brother or sister, but am an only child.

22) I have been through a lot of crap. If I trust you a lot, and the subject comes up, I might tell you about it.

23) God has changed me a TON for the better, unfortunately I still have a long way to go.

24) I really like to hang out with people, especially at a coffee house.

25) I have 5 instant messaging clients that are all shown through one application on my computer. When someone gets on, it alerts me, it doesn't matter who it is or on what chat client. So if I message you right when you get on, I am not stalking you. Just fyi.

26) I am sort of fed up with the American culture and our ignorance of the rest of the world.

27) I love learning about other cultures.

28) I love change. Not the pocket kind, but the kind that keeps things exciting.

29) Because my parents are divorced, and my father's parents are divorced, dating relationships scare me.

30) I find women incredibly scary/confusing.

31) I have been gut-punched by God before...not fun, but needed.

32) I love to try new foods (provided they don't look like they could kill centipedes...)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

God is doin' his thang

God is seriously messing with me right now. I don't mean in the bad way, but instead in much the same way as one would mess up a pile of legos so he could see all the pieces before he builds a life size, and functional, Death Star model. This is not to say that God is an avid Star Wars fan, but I can't think of anything more epic/impossible to build (save creation, but he has been there, done that).

The only thing I know for sure right now is that I know nothing. For a guy that loves knowing exactly what to do this is a huge problem; but that is probably the point. My current theory (here I go again...) is that God is breaking me of my dependence on a "mapquest" faith. I need to stop asking where and when God wants me to turn and where exactly he is taking me, and just trust him to lean over, wake me up, and quietly tell me to turn before I drive into the wall (not to say that my faith should not be attentive, it was just more interesting if I added in the wall and sleeping, in real life God will spice it up like he always does).

As I grow older (and hopefully more mature), I realize more and more that following God wholeheartedly is downright terrifying. You don't know where he is taking you, sometimes he pulls the emergency brake on the highway and scares the giblets out of you. Its not always fun, its rarely "safe", and in the end the destination is AWESOME; but until you get there you will probably be confused.

Also, what is the deal with God taking me off-roading in a diesel, stick shift, Volkswagen Rabbit with the dashboard replaced with light switches?

Friday, September 4, 2009

A formal complaint


Anyways, school started. I have classes/classwork. I need sleep. I need to get a life.