4th of July

Today I realized that living on your own has more more disadvantages than I thought, mainly holidays are lonely. I spent today alone (Caleb was awake and here for only a little while before leaving to hang with friends). To top it off, the sky was grey and it was drizzling all day, so bike riding was out of the question (it is very dangerous to ride on a slick country road, much more so than a slick city road...cars going 55 mph and all). To celebrate the holiday I cooked ate 2 hamburgers, hardly anything for someone who missed a massive family get-together today at home.

But it is not all doom and gloom, God still has me cradled in his arms. First of all, Brian called today just to chat, for which I am incredibly grateful. Second, at 10 o'clock, just as the air raid siren (placed conveniently close to my apartment) was going off, I went outside to see if I could see fireworks. This was pretty much a no-go even though I can here them all around me. The only ones I could see were miles away to the east, so far in fact that I had to get on the Upland bridge and peer through a small hole in the trees in the distance (all the rest were behind trees, and without transportation...), but even then I could only see the ones REALLY high up. But there, standing on the bridge in the light rain, I realized that this wasn't all bad.

Back before most, if not all of you knew me (you would have had to know me around my freshman year of high school at least), I was an angry child. Not wholly so, it was more of a reaction to the extreme lostness, loneliness, and hurt I felt. That feeling of feeling abandoned was far worse than what I felt today...and I felt it all the time. Yeah, a holiday by yourself with no one to share it with sucks, but a life without God is worse. I was a christian more by words than actions. So, against all common sense (if I have learned anything from my walk with God, its that His perfect plan doesn't always, if ever, match up with my "common sense") I thank God for today. I feel like junk today, but He took me out of feeling like junk everyday. Through this He also taught me even more the importance of family. But most of all, I know that no matter what, God's got my back.