hmmmmm

So lately (and by lately I mean this whole school year) I have been struggling with self worth. As a man (I say this because I have heard learned men say this is true) I tend to find my worth in things I achieve; just one problem: I never seem to achieve anything. I struggle in almost all my classes for reasons I know not and things I know I can do extremely well still seem hard, and often end in failure.

Now I know I am not stupid. In the past I have won math competitions (given it was in 7th grade, but that still has to count for something), helped the salutatorian in my high-school with calculus, passed tests with high grades after sleeping through class without studying, and wrote my entire senior (high-school) term paper the night before and got a 288 out of 300, missing what I did only because of missing punctuation (dang sleep deprived-ness).

But then college came and I can almost literally feel something holding me back. I now am horrible at math, math I had mastered in high-school, and I can't seem to learn new stuff. The tests are harder, so now I study and do homework, and instead of my grades falling a little due to harder tests they have plummeted.

I am feeling extremely worthless right now. I know it is Satan telling me that I am worthless, but I am having an incredibly hard time countering his arguments. I need to find my worth in Christ, but I no matter how hard I try I still feel worthless. I don't know what is going on, holding me back, or what to do. Blarg.